Should Have Taken the Blue Pill

Dec 12

I second this motion times a THOUSAND!!!

delacroix:

actioncalvin:downtowngirl:

You know what would make the world a better place?
Killing “Sacrificing” Dane Cook so That Mitch Hedberg can come back to life.

Absolutely agree.

Dec 11

Married?

• WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
• HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
• WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
• HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
• WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
• HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
• WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
• HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
• WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
• HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
• WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
• HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
• WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
• HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
• WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
• HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
• WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
• HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
• WIFE: - - -silence - -
• HUSBAND: "Shit."

via nfccomic.com

via www.fubiz.net

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats. This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy! That’s right! It’s the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don’t think you’re happy enough! That’s right! I’ll teach you to be happy! I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let’s try it again!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

If’n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature… They don’t know that they’re ugly! That’s very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I’d shoot! But you didn’t believe me! Why didn’t you believe me?!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

camiikay:

leonyisninjaa:

I couldn’t read this without singing it :D

I dont know if its possible to read it without singing it. I tried. I can’t help but sing it.

After browsing around tumblr, I realized that I’m probably the only person in the world that hasn’t seen Garden State. After mentioning this to ,my roommate, he threw the dvd at me.

I’m watching it, and its good so far, but I dont know how this can be considered the “greatest creative piece of all time”, which is the idea that you get from people opinions of it here.

via www.basketcasecomix.com

fd44d55cb3145484d293b59e7438351882a489c1.jpg (image)

If aliens were to judge humanity only by Tumblr Dashboards, they would think Jim Carrey once dated Kate Winslet and her hair was dyed blue and they shared a lot of weepy, profound, quotable conversations about love.

terrormarie:

Other things they would be convinced of:

• The movie Garden State is mankind’s greatest creative achievement.
• Earthlings possess an undeniable reverence for their most esteemed leader, Zooey Deschanel.
• “Sufjan” is presumably an Earthese word for “musician”
• Earth’s capital, Brooklyn, is controlled by a ruling hegemony of superior beings who enhance their might by drinking a beverage known as Pabst Blue Ribbon.
• Domesticated felines on this planet speak with terrible, broken grammar but, amazingly, speak nonetheless.  Most other animal species have similar capabilities.
• All human feelings are best expressed via inspirational quotation photoshopped onto an image of two earthlings, aged no more than 19 years, kissing in the falling snow.
• “Banksy” is the name humans have given to their creative god, and express their devotion to this “Banksy” by spray-painting things on walls and telephone poles.

bibliotheque:misterpeace

xoella:

?

One night at a Chinese restaurant a friend of mine said that as a joke. I found the picture of the black fortune earlier, and thought it would be funny.

fruitsalad:

seewhoiam:

(via bogoshipo)

hahahahah XDD i love these fffffffffuuuuuuuuuu things XDD

and doraemon!! minna minna minna…~

LOL

Whoever thinks that paper beats rock, you hold up a piece of paper, and I’ll throw a rock at you. then we’ll see who really wins.

(via furk)

via i.imgur.com

via d.yimg.com